Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
