It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
