how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
