I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Even my vagina gasped.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
