both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
