Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think your dad took our porno
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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