I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
