i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you didnt know i had herpes?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
