I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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