You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
