I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
