i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
