so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
