I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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