What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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