on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
