I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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