I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
