my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize