Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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