Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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