last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
