I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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