these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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