Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize