Will you blow on my dice?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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