Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
