Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
