HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
