Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
