matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
