do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
