I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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