omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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