Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
