i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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