Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
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Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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