Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
