yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
