One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
