All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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