I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
