Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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