WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
