Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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