you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize