And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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