matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize