hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
