dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He shit in the fireplace
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
