Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
