Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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