I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize