Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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