He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
