Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
