Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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