Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
